Friday, June 28, 2013

How to Grow Wings


"The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try. I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes...otherwise he is sure to be mediocre." --Peter Drucker

Over and over I find people who have actualized that which they once only dreamed of speak of the importance of mistakes. The implied is the importance of trying, which can have only one of two results. And depending on your experience level, one of those can be much more likely.
I watch my children, I watch them miss their mark over and over. I watch them try over and over.




I watch them walk around in a world that is made for people much bigger than them.




They not only are ok in it, they thrive in it. They grow by leaps and bounds, literally.




They do not care that they have to climb every chair as if it's a small mountain, or that everything they desire is atop surfaces they must precariously balance upon makeshift stacks to reach.




Or that they must ask for help over, and over, and over, often to others that may or may not have the facility or desire of helping them at that moment. I think, if I lived in their world now, how would I react? Frustrated that everything is so hard?




Upset that i have to depend on others so much? Ashamed that i am so small?




And suddenly my world shifts, and my children are no longer lacking experience. They are the masters.




Because even as they are still stumbling through this life, they are fearless and determined and patient with themselves.




If they can maintain that perspective, anything they want is theirs. I am, despite my aptitude at walking and talking and using the potty, the student.
Because somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that mistakes are unwanted, that something wasn't worth doing unless you could be good at it.




As that idea settled in its roots became entangled into my willingness to try new things, my ability to be consistent and practice the things I love and value, regardless of how good I was at them. I would long for aptitude so I would never feel inadequate again, not realizing that having a perfectly done life would be just that--done. Twisted branches of anxiety grew eclipsing the light of passion and playfulness,




of the deep knowing that if you want to master something, you will, but not without missing the mark and reaiming possibly thousands of times. The path of mastery is one of love and dedication to that which you deeply value. It is not a quick ride to the top.
But those roots are loosing now, the faint halo of light growing stronger each day as I prostrate myself over and over before my ineptitudes, honoring them for what they are...a beginning.




I am the caterpillar who has rolled itself dark in the fibers of desire for Something, something he senses in every cell of his being, something that renders him willing to digest his well structured form into gelatinous chaos for the possibility of what lay ahead. He cannot flutter wings yet, he flies on faith,




faith that if he lets go of what was merely adequate today, plunging himself into the unknown, the mess will reorient itself, cell by cell, day by day, until the fibers of incubation tear apart no longer able to contain that which he has become,
a promise fulfilled.




This is what the child knows.
It's why she doesn't worry about that initial clumsiness.




Or ignorance.
Or confusion.
The apparent mess.




It's why she keeps bounding




And leaping




And always




Always




growing.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Santa Fe

Saturday, September 29, 2012

What I Know

It's a love letter.
This whole world is a love letter from God...

IMG_1380

To me
IMG_1383

In it secrets fold in on themselves,

IMG_2226IMG_2025

waiting to untangle for the soul who stops long for the second glance,

IMG_2143IMG_1837

long enough for the question to gather itself from the mists of the mind,

IMG_1857IMG_2146
"I want to know..." it whispers

IMG_1700IMG_1381
And He hears and he leads because he knows once I See the answer I will Know His Love
IMG_1871

And so a path is staked through the wild woods,

IMG_1909

a path forged to ReMake me as the person I will need to be to live the answer of the question I am.

IMG_1766
And because I trust, I walk into the dim musk of the shadowed forest.

IMG_2153
It is here I am re-turned, re-formed, re-visioned

IMG_2149

until the hazy shadows begin to thin and light dapples the mossy floorIMG_1742

and I walk toward the brightness to the place where I beganIMG_1864

but now, as it is said, I know it for the first time.
IMG_2148

The kaleidoscope has turned and the pieces have fallen

IMG_1982

and the secret has unfolded into Manifest Glory

IMG_2039 

and I am the answer and no longer the question,

IMG_2157 

and He knew this would happen,

that  all I can see is Love refracted over and over all around me,

IMG_2145IMG_2144

painting my face in its stained glass glory..

IMG_2150
And that's how I know,
that's how I know this world is a love letter
IMG_1386IMG_2093

From Him
To me.

IMG_2155
To me.

IMG_2151IMG_2152

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Summer Solstice, or the Fulfillment of Promise

There are people strewn across the green lawn
They are draped in flowing gowns

But there is  no trace of Victorian refinement here
These are the people of the earth.

IMG_1807

Upon their heads
flowers woven through
circles of willow
Blooming crowns
Alive with the scent of blossoms
I hear the lilting melodies of a flute somewhere


IMG_1820

Children
Looking more like fairies
Ring laughter in and out of
Nature so lush and green
She hides them completely
IMG_1813

Gaia is queen today
The human spirit pays reverence
To her beauty
Knowing the summer solstice
is her Day in the Sun

IMG_1808

There is a soft joy pulsing
Through this place
Harsh tones, the battle cry of the hurried and worried
Are not heard here tonight
The only thing I can think
IMG_1814

Is that I don't deserve to be here.
My eyes ache to turn themselves from such unabashed beauty
I am too messy for such grace
I have thrown too many of those harsh words
as I bumbled my way through the day
overwhelmed and confused by little ones tired screams
These people feel like a different species to me

IMG_1816

But there is something else
I hear it threading it's way through self deprecating thoughts
"It only takes a seed..."

IMG_1815

Surrounded by green promises
Spiraling wildly from a
seed desire
buried
in earth darkness
I am living in the midst of God’s classroom and the lesson today is this

IMG_1809
God only asks that we offer the seed of what is desired
And grace will grow that seed
Unfold that promise into its spilling beauty
Tonight…here… I walk
In a garden of promises
And now I hear it again

IMG_1810
The whisper winding through thought
"You
are a garden of promises
made full
by your faith"

The flower crowns upon flower souls, gentle and beautiful, delicate and fragrant in their love
...unfold that promise...
IMG_1812

And on this, the longest night of the year, alive with the ceremonial rhythm of drum and the haunting notes of wind given voice ,
…A garden of promises…
among the flower people dancing their worship for the great privilege of living in this garden we call Earth,
…Made full by your faith…
IMG_1817

I am feeling that maybe
Just maybe
…It takes only a seed…
I will one day dance among them

IMG_1811