Projects

Nothing like coming home to…

So much to do.

But then I asked myself, who is giving you this responsibility?

And of course, the answer was, myself.  I had placed these expectations upon myself, I had identified and attached myself to them so that they had begun to define my value as a person.

And most important, it was under my power to release them.  So that’s what I did. 

I released the need for the perfect meal, the perfect house, the perfect educational material…

I released the pressure to do all that and then be joyful and present.  Oh no, joy can’t flow from that.  I had some work to do before joy could come back.  Because all that stemmed from something deeper…

I began the process of releasing the fear that I am not doing enough for my children, that I always need to be more, do more.  I refound the trust I have in their wellbeing and in creation to have made them perfect and whole and not dependent on me completely for their well being. 

God has a hand too.  And where I fall short, that hand is there to catch us all.

The truth is I loved my parents and everything about my life and would not have had them change it for anything.  This was not because they were perfect parents.  It was  because I loved them with everything in me, and everything about them was part of their journey, and so I loved it too.  Where they nourished me, I gained inspiration, and where they challenged me, I gained strength and a deeper knowledge of myself.

This is much how I feel about my children.  I don’t love them because they are perfect.  I love them because they are who they are and their journey is an integral part of that which I love.

And so I know this is how my children feel about me as well.  They do not love me because of all the things I do for them.  They love me because I am me. 

They love me with such a huge love my mistakes are burned away in its light.

They forgive with such a big forgiveness they forget even what they are forgiving for.

They understand with such deep understanding I need only look in their eyes to know I needn’t say anything more.

They are infinite love, and infinite love does not need perfection to exist because it is perfection. 

And so now, these projects have been placed in their rightful place, as something fun to focus my energy on.  Things to enrich and enliven and inspire us.

But they are not who I am, who my family is

We are so much bigger than that.