Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Swept Away

Today I was sweeping. And I saw this little mismatched pair of shoes lying there.


A boot and a flip flop.

And the memory of why they were there came flooding back.

An attempt by my little boy to come with his mama. I was leaving to do something he could not accompany me for, and I was rushed.
I hurriedly told him mama had to go by herself.


He ran to find his shoes, quickly because he knew I was leaving.

And that was what he came with, a boot and a flip flop.

And as I swept them aside today tears of realization came.


I had swept this aside yesterday. In my hurry I had swept him aside. I had hurried past the moment of a sweet chuckle shared together at the sweetness of this winter boot summer flip flop pair overflowing with its message of budding independence and love for his time with mama.


"I come" he had said in his angel voice.
These are the moments I so don't want to walk past, my head heavy with the haze of hurriedness and have-tos.

I want to take just a minute to hold on, to feel, to taste the fruits of life and meaning hanging ripe from each moment, waiting for me to slow down long enough to pick them.

I don't want them to be swept aside.
I want to be swept away.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Perfect Seeing

Did I ever think I would come to a place where I would See the Perfection of exhaustion?
And yet, I do.

With a newborn comes for me a profound exhaustion, a tiredness so deep it seems to wash over me, filling every crevice of my being until words can't even form.

But I have learned a secret this time,

Try to push past it, form words anyway, complete tasks...my life becomes very difficult.

Let the waves sweep me under, glaze my eyes and smile slow smiles of dreamy wonder, and exhaustion becomes a balm, a place where to-dos and necessary words no longer exist.

Instead there is only this moment.

There is her face making the most exquisite pattern of expressions that I find my own face mimicking.

There is her sweet baby scent filling me.

There is the way her warm body feels curled against me.

There is the softness of the sheets, the sliding softness of my feet against each other, the warmth of the blanket...

There are only these things, things so subtle they would be invisible to my eyes if they were not covered in the haze of exhaustion.

Oh yes, my Creator knows me and knows exactly what I need to experience what my deepest desire right now is, to bond deeply and surely with Miss Piper.

As always, perfection exists when i am blessed with moments of Perfect Seeing.
May I have more and more of them.