Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Moment

You run toward me

Draped in color

Swirling round

Your bare skin

The breeze blows

Delicately moving

your curls

and the silk

over you.

Blue crystals shine

in your eyes

As you smile

A smile I have seen a hundred times

And yet, it is always new

Sometimes in these moments
I can only think

one thought

Life is so magical

And I hold my breath

So that I may hold onto

the seconds

Time slows

But then I must exhale

And with my breath

The moment fades

Reminding me

That in every second

Life must leave behind the past

And move forward.

Welcome, Fall!

Just a little bit of Fallsy goodness since we are all so happy it is here...

My little Elton in her sweater and glasses. Kids are so snuggly in sweaters and pants.

Some little pumpkins I am working on to make a pumpkin patch. My hope is eventually all my Fall decorations will be handmade. A handmade home...something to aspire to!

No pictures, but over here we have made pumpkin bread and pumpkin soup. I'm hoping to add some more pumpkiney goodness to that list!

I have begun searching for Christmas carol music since the holiday season is around the corner.

Yup, the most wonderful time of the year has come back and brought with it inspiration and energy!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Summer Recap

Summer has come and gone and Fall, like an old friend, has faithfully returned. And like an old friend, we easily fall into routine with him again. Cooking, walking, lighting candles, good music all have returned to us as if they had never been gone.

Looking back on the summer, it was difficult in many ways for us because of the heat, but it was also so extraordinary. Stephen and I got to watch our first baby grow into a child, into a person, a person we are both just so enchanted with. I have often felt

"What do I have to offer this little person who is already so many of the things I wish my children to grow to be? "

All I can do is be here.

And so that is what I do.

I am here to witness all her moments of doing and saying new things.
I am here to laugh with her when something is funny.

I am here to laugh at her when she is playing the clown.

I am here to share her wonder at something beautiful.

I am here to hold her when she is hurt.

I am here to be her steeping stool when she wants to reach for the stars.

I am here to be who I am so she can see what it is like to be an adult in this world.

And amazingly, being here has been enough. Letting go of the expectation that I have to do, to teach, to mold or lead in some overt way has opened up a relationship with Noelle that I am grateful for every day I wake up and every night I go to bed.

I have heard the phrase "Children should come with instruction manuals."
I think they do. It is them.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Making Music

"I know now why they say

The eyes are the window to the soul.

I look in yours and see the whole universe

And all its galaxies

Contained within.

I stare deeply, intensely

Do you hear that music?
It is your heart

Singing to my soul.

In harmony we rise and fall

In an ocean

of Love and Peace

Until a Mother

Who can no longer

Contain her words


'I love you.' "
--- Written to Noelle at 4 months old

I have had the luxury and pleasure of taking up the piano again. A lost friend, it has been a wonderful reunion.

And as I have begun the journey of making music once again, this time as a mother and woman, I have been able to learn something I didn't quite see before.

Music is, in its essence, an art of nuances.

You learn a song, its notes and its rhythms. You practice day after day until your hands and mind have learned it fully and completely.

And then you practice more, because there are still subtle movements your fingers haven't learned that you don't even realize exist.

Then, all of a sudden, you find your mind and your body no longer require your energy, and in that moment, you are fully present in the music, able to feel exactly how soft, how fast, how delicate to make this moment.

This is is when the piano sings.

This is when you make music.

And as this moment comes to me, and moves me so powerfully, I realize too, that is is how the rest of my life works. As I become more skilled at living, my mind and body are able to move out of the way so that I can be fully present and able to respond creatively to just this moment in time,

not based on rules or laws I have learned,

not based on past experiences,

but just based on my soul coming into this moment to express itself.

I see glimpses of this as a parent with Noelle. Glimpses when I am fully here with her, just loving her, rejoicing in the fact she is here and is who she is.

And when I do that, my heart sings.

Then together, Noelle and I make our own music