Sunday, April 12, 2009


"And ye shall know the truth , and

The truth shall set you free."

John 8:32

There is a strong desire in me, now, for truth. To give it and receive it. Not meanness, or unsolicited advice -- I think those things might actually decrease if I allow myself to give the truth when asked.

Stephen and I are practicing this by telling each other anything that comes up that we realized we have been less than honest about in the past, or to catch ourselves being less than honest in the present.

It just feels…liberating. A sort of prison is constructed from dishonesty. It may afford some protection, but at a price. How can one make an authentic and free decision with a false reality as its foundation?

It seems truth is more intricate, more fragile than I once believed. That subtle, almost imperceptible world of motivation, fear, love, needs and wants plays itself out in this material world, the truth masquerading in so many colors, flowing and mixing, until it can barely be perceived.

I grasp at it, and it seems to fall like water through my fingers. I don’t know the best way to find it, to know it. I have only found the ways that are unreliable at best.

One can make assumptions, and, as is usually the case when our linear logic is applied to the infinite complexity of this world, it usually brings one far from the whole truth.

Perhaps you can ask someone directly why they do or say something. But still, this is too simple. What is in their mind when they say the word "Love"? "God?" "Guidance"? "Permissive"? "Authority?" The same thing that is in your mind?

An example: I have seen families that are highly structured where the children say "sir" and "ma'am", and there are many rules and routines that are followed. But within that structure is a full and everpresent love and acceptance. And so the children thrive.

And then there is another family where few rules are made and children are given latitude to do as they wish, explore the world at their desire, but yet you sense that perhaps this is because the parents don't want to invest the time and energy into their children, and so they let them run free. And the children don't seem to be doing well.

And of course there is the traditional authoritarian family where there are rules and a lack of compassion.

And the beautiful free family where there is love and acceptance, and from that grows a desire to allow children to become who they are meant to be with few restrictions.

And of course, there is every variation on this.

So where does the truth hide itself? How are we to raise our children?

It seems it can only be decided by each person, by knowing themselves and their heart. And as is the way with the beautiful diversity of humankind, it will be different for each person, and will evolve with their lives. But it is their truth, and because of that little detail, it is sacred.

This ownership of my own destiny is allowing me to free myself of the demeaning practice of judgement. And as judgement wanes, freedom waxes. And truth and freedom seem to find each other.

And so, in this spirit, I have decided to write about whatever I feel like writing about on this blog. I have all my life worried about offending people with my opinions, but I find myself in complete confusion over this now, as how can anyone ever really be offended by another's opinion?

An opinion is in essence someone else's truth, forged by their experience in life, and to be offended by this is to be offended by their life, in all its strange and exotic beauty, and to be offended by their willingness to live their life and their destiny with authenticity.

And doesn’t it always seem that today’s golden truth, is tomorrow’s discarded illusion? Just as yesterday’s illusion becomes today’s truth.

So, whether I am feeling joyful or frustrated, controversial or accepting, I am going to make every attempt to tell my truth, in all its shimmering, wavering, ambiguous glory.

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